Sunday, December 21, 2008

Not cool.

I absolutely hate myself. One, I haven't left the house all day. Two, I pretty much haven't left my bed. And three, I ate pancakes this morning. Alone. I ate pancakes and feel like a complete cow since no one else will be bovine with me.

It's bitterly cold. So frigid in fact, the inside our of front door is frosted. Isn't that lovely? This is typical January/February weather, not December! Though according to the almanac the rest of winter should be pretty mild. I can handle that. It would be fabulous if I got that automatic starter on my Christmas list. No longer shall I walk the 3 yards to my chilly Corolla. Woot. Can't wait for that day!

Looks like I'll be spending another Christmas alone. Nothing new. Even worse since my mother's side of the family decided they'd rather go elsewhere. That's a first in erhm, forever? I hope their ham is cold. Baahumbug. My Christmas spirit is gone. I had it full force up until last week. Guess it got blown away in the arctic air.

Ok. I'll go crawl back in my hole and be miserable.


Thursday, December 18, 2008


Howdy Doody.

I smell like fabric softener. With Febreeze. I constantly wonder how those very chemicals we love so much are destroying our bodies. If I could afford to go green, I would.

FYI for my NON-EXISTENT readers:

Hi. I back.

Tired Girl.

Saturday, August 2, 2008


It hurts worse this time. I trusted him.

And now it's over.

I'm taking this a helluva lot worse then I ever have. I haven't eaten a thing all week. The thought of food revolts me. I look like I'm about to die and sure feel that way.

Why can't someone love me and STAY with me? It's the normal girls that can't find it I tell ya.

Damn I'm naive.

And dumb. Though I think they both fall into the same category haha.

Tired Girl.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008


It's been a while! My bad kids. I have not forgotten about this Blog. It's more along the lines that my life is so incredibly boring at the moment, I fail to see the reason to update it.

Since I'm no longer involved with horses, things have kinda started to regain normalcy. I like it, but I dislike it at the same time. Was that strong lingo enough? Get my point? After all the excitement and terror, I'm so unbelievably bored it isn't funny. Job hunting is futile. They just don't seem to exsist at the moment. Though I did see one in the Classified today that maybe promising. Selling Amish furniture should be a blast! Gag.


I couldn't stand to read that shit anymore, so I deleted it. Bahaha.

Tired Girl.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Essay Smesshay

I hate writing on subjects I absolutely cannot relate to. Ok, maybe I shouldn't be trying to get into an artsy school, but heck, it's the only option I have that I LIKE at the moment. Being a picky bitch has it's drawbacks.

This is what I'm suppose to write about...

"Risk-taking is a part of the creative process. To break new ground or to veer in a new direction requires a certain blend of courage and "blind faith", a hopeful confidence that your message will be heard and understood, and - most importantly - valued by others.

Many successful artists, musicians, performers, writers, entrepreneurs, filmmakers, producers, etc., take creative risks to move their artform forward, and, while many risks have proved successful (maybe even revolutionary), it's also true that just as many have flopped. Whether exploring a new idea or form, proposing a show, writing a grant proposal, or presenting their work to the public, the greatest artists have faced rejection and were forced to find ways to persevere.

Big or small, tell us about a time in your creative or artistic life when you were criticized for your creative decisions or told "no". Did you abandon your new idea? Refine your new idea? Or did you reject the criticism and proceed full speed ahead? Tell us about your though process during this time. Do you regret not following through on your idea? Or are you now grateful you didn't go out on such as precarious limb? How do you think the criticism or denial affected the further development of your creative work?"

(I'd Italic this all, but still haven't fine tuned myself to Blogger yet)

Yea. It's not going well so far. I'm absolutely the most unartistic person on the planet. But creative? Yea. Just not in a sense a normal person can relate to.

Well I've given myself till Sunday to complete this essay. I'm pretty sure Columbia has rolling admissions. God I hope they do. I also hope they take normal, non-artsy/brilliant/musical/whatever people.

Tired Girl.

Sunday, April 27, 2008


I am cursed. Or at least this farm is.

Yesterday morning went off with no hitch until I put Chewy and Buddy out in the back, which is right next to the mare's field. That is when I noticed a horse laying down, away from the herd. Immediately that cold, dread feeling gripped me. Since it was a very dark horse, I called out a few names. "I THINK SO?" and I saw her poke her head up from the crowd about an acre away. "RAVELLI GIRL?" and she looked at me too. "ANNA?" No head popped up. No movement from the downed horse. Anna had past away sometime Friday night. There were no lightning marks on her, or any outward sign of what caused her death. I'm assuming it was a stroke or heart attack. She was in the middle 20s and that sort of death isn't uncommon, though she was perfectly healthy all Friday. Poor Anna. I liked that mare so much. She was the Selle Francais that was imported as a youngster. Her owned showed her in the hunters till she blew out her suspensory. I guess she was quite the fancy winner back in the day.

After a few tears and a final pat, I dug up a tarp and wrapped her up so the other horses would leave her be. I was also a bit nervous about the coyotes bothering her body since the renderer is notorious for being at least 24 hours out. RIP Anastasia.

Since I still had to feed the outside mare's, I did, but Anna decided to die near the gate and everyone was scared of her body. Well I drug all but Precious in. She was to busy being a nutty 2y/o. The damn filly finally came up as I was putting the rest of the girls out. I put her in a stall, gave her grain, and walked away. 10 minutes later I get a phone call from the hired help saying Precious went over the fence and is bleeding. Fanfreakingtastic. I get out to the field where she is running madly, though completely lame. I was more concerned about her limping then the blood. AN HOUR later I caught the bitch, cleaned her up, and attempted to sedate her, until she knocked the needle into my arm (which hurt like hell). In my fury I stabbed the needle in her neck, let her freak out, and plunged in the Ace. She was nice and loopy after that. I couldn't get a hold of my vet, so I did my best doctoring and will just keep it clean till Monday, when he will be out.

Isn't it a nice way to live out my last two days at the barn? NOT. I just don't get it. My luck with the damn critters that is.

Gah. And with all the excitement, I didn't go talk to Cookie's real owners. Fuck. Another thing I deal with tomorrow.

Tired Girl.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


I hate coyotes. If I owned a gun, I'd be sitting on my porch picking off the bastards one by one as they strolled on by. Since it's been absolutely gorgeous out for the last week or so, I've turned the heat off and opened windows. Last night I slept with all my four bedroom windows open. It was one of those days where you came in and pull out your teeth so I hit the hay early. Around 2am I was jarred awake by those disgusting creatures screaming their bloody fucking heads off. Of course Cookie jumps right out of bed (she sleeps next to me) and starts to howl in that husky Lab voice. Way to get my adrenaline pumping!

Being the paranoid nut I am, I sleep with a massive Maglite under my bed that is bright enough to illuminate tree trops. So I whipped that out and counted 13 coyotes. That is a HUGE pack. Biggest I've ever heard of around here! Typically they stick to smaller groups, but being breeding season and all, I guess the rules get bent. And they've never gotten that close to the house before. I'm sure they were on their way to bother the horses since I left the doors open. Great, but thank goodness there isn't a foal around. They'd chew through walls to get a baby.

Now I need to sweet talk my redneck hunter friends to stake out the farm one night. I'll provide the bait and beer if they provide the bullets.

Tired Girl isn't fucking around anymore!

Sunday, April 20, 2008


Tomorrow is the start of my last full week here. As much as I've hated it, I've loved it. It was a great experience that will look wonderful on any future resume. I'll miss waking up in my OWN house, totally silent, doing my own thing, making my own food, looking out at the property knowing that I helped make it beautiful. It's been fun, but I'm glad it's over.

Cookie, the dog who adopted me, is currently sleeping at my feet. She is the best dog ever. Really. Right now she stinks like sweaty dog who jumped into the creek this morning, but is still just the nicest critter. She loves me and I'm starting to love her. Now I have no idea how keeping her will work out or if I even can. Ugh, just another thing I need to stress out about.

This is me!


Tuesday, April 15, 2008

It was bad.

Last week that is. Tuesday night was spent out with the vet sewing up Lady's leg, which she sheared down to the bone. Stupid 2y/o filly. Thankfully this won't impact her racing career next fall. I got out of the barn around 12:30am and plopped myself into bed, no shower.

7:05am Foal Alert called my phone. "FUCK" was the first thing that came to mind as I stumbled out of bed, down the stairs, into some clothes, and finally down to the barn 3 minutes later. Twoey's water had broke and she has given absolutely no indication of foaling up until that point. The vet even checked her the day before. At 7:12am a pretty chestnut filly took her first breath. It was a red bag birth (broke inside that mama, full of blood) and I did help that little girl out. Except something just wasn't quite right with this filly. I immediately thought she was a dummy (Dummy Foal Syndrome), but gave her time to settle in. After the first hour, she had not gotten up, even with my help. At the 2nd hour I freaked and had the vets out in 40 mins (it's very important to have colostrum in their system within 3 hours). Dr Dawn said that the filly needed to be hauled somewhere right away after looking at her for roughly 45 seconds. An hour later Twoey, filly, and I were on our way to Purdue. When we got their an hour and a half later, filly's temp wasn't registering on the term. A team of senior vets and students were working on her right away. Dr Uberti and Dr Couetil were wonderful. I couldn't remember the name of the student or the techs, but they were equally as great. Twoey was being an angel. She knew her baby was sick. I left after an hour or so, knowing I wasn't bringing two horses home. Filly was put down the next day because of her multiple organ failure. She had septicimia, which started in Twoey. There was no way of knowing that the mare had an infection without drawing blood. So the poor little filly was dying before she was even born. Gosh she was so beautiful too.

RIP Nameless Filly. I wouldn't let myself name her unless she came home. It sounds heartless, but it's easier.

I have two mares due in two weeks. Both will have blood drawn and be on anti-bios big time. I'm not losing another one.

Sadly the horse side fails me once again. I promised myself I wouldn't let anyone die. Even though the filly's death was out of my control, I still feel as though I could have done more.

My father called yesterday about a job for me. His best buddy growing up manages a multi-million dollar farm down in KY, full of racehorses. It is owned by a sheik of Dubia and absolutely incredible. I don't know what I'd be doing down there, but at this time, I don't want it. I'm so burned out of horses. They break my heart.

And I've only got two more weeks with the animals.

Tired Girl.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

My baby.

The last 24 hours have been awful. Boss's 2y/o Thoroughbred sliced open her leg down to the bone sometime late afternoon. The vet came out around 7pm since and left at 10pm. We had to lay her down and the Catamine takes a while to wear off, which is why he was there so long. While he was there he checked on Twoey, since she was due to foal last Sunday. He said she had a few more days on her.

Well that was a lie. The mare foaled at 7:12am this morning. My Foal Alert went off at 7:05am and I was down there 3 minutes later.

Monday, April 7, 2008


What I failed to mention in my last blog is that one of my broodmares is about to foal. Yay! Babies are so much fun, yet so unbelievably stressful. Thinking of it freaks me out, which has lead me here to update my imaginary readers. I had a mini-episode last night when I realized how much could go wrong. The mare, Twoey, has a special monitor sewn in so when her water breaks, the monitor seperates and sends a signal out to call my phone. It's called Foal Alert and it's fucking awesome. That means no sleeping in the barn for me! Twoey's due date was yesterday. I'm thinking a new baby will be here by Thursday. Just one of those feelings I get.

Tired Girl.

Sunday, April 6, 2008


I woke up to a ladybug crawling into my nose. No joke. Actually I think it was a manbug since it was yellow and stinky. That might have been an indication it wasn't going to be a good day. Usually on Sunday's I sleep in a bit since I don't have to beat the stall cleaner out to the barn. That fucking bug disturbed me to the point I got up 2 hours earlier. So I settled in on the couch with my new favorite concoction of oj and cranberry juice with a side of buttered wheat toast. Don't knock the blend till you try it. I love them together. After checking all my websites and snoozing, I went down to feed. Thing went quick today. Most everyone was good except for a select few mares that didn't want to eat this morning. Weirdos.

Then I came in because being outside depresses me. Yes I know I'm crazy not to enjoy the 65 degree, sunny Sunday, but I'm not. I live on a horse farm without a horse of my own to love on and ride. What the fuck. Yesterday I could have almost cried. It brought back memories of my beloved Haley who died 6 years ago in November. She is the one horse I would have kept forever. Even my parents, as non-horsey as they are, adored Haley. They would have footed her bills for as long as she lived. I wanted my kids to learn to ride on that mare. Damnit. She was a once in a lifetime horse I'll never get back. Honestly I haven't rode a horse I loved and trusted as much as Haley. Tommy was a good boy and nice ride, but he couldn't stay sound. He was too skittish for my parents and friends to be around too. Though if I had the chance to get him back, I would. Maybe he's mature into a Steady Eddy.

And that leads me here, on the couch, with no windows open (albeit heat off), alone writing this. I've sufficiently stuffed myself by munching on dry Special K, a bar of Godiva milk chocolate, leftover Chicken Almond Ding for lunch, about 20 Hershey Kisses, and 6 bottles of water. I think that's all I've had. For some reason all I want is chocolate. For the first time ever all I've got is relatively healthy food. I broke into the barn candy dish stock for chocolate and the Godiva bar is quite a few years old. Whoops. I'll just be fat for the rest of my life.

I was doing so well on the veggie diet. Looks like I'll need to start that again on Monday. Which reminds me I need to get more vitamins.

ETA: Ugh. Editing out more sap shit.

Tired Girl.

Thursday, April 3, 2008


What a splendid day. Just glorious. Or maybe it's one of those highs I get before a major crash. I don't know and hope it's not what I suspect.

Since my time as a barn manager is nearly up, I've kinda been on a job hunt. Well something fell into my lap. One of my boarder's owns an insurance company. He pretty much offered me a job yesterday. So I interviewed with his 2nd in command. She hired me. I start May 5th! Now I know nothing of insurance, but am totally willing to learn. All I need to do is study up, take a couple classes, then pass a licensing exam. I sure hope I do well. Testing has never been my thing.

This new job could be my niche. I could be good. Really good. Or be a complete failure like I so easily can be.

Tired Girl.

Thursday, March 27, 2008


Mother Nature has made a liar out of us all. She showed her beautiful face for a few days and we proclaimed "SPRING" as the sunshine and warm breeze blew through our hair. Then she decided to throw a curve ball with thunder and snow. Yea. What a bitch.

Tired Girl.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

One of those days...

You know, when nothing goes right. Alarm clock didn't go off, fell down the stairs, horses being bad, and broken shit. I'm so fed up I came in early. The bastards can wait a bit longer to get outside. Oh gosh I'm mad. I didn't even feed the mares because they wouldn't come in.

When will my B-100 kick in? That stuff makes me happy, though I pee neon yellow. I need some Family Guy too. Best show ever!

Tired Girl.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Winter END

Why won't this winter just give up? It can't make up it's freaking mind. One day it's 50 out, around 30 at night. I can deal with that. BUT not with a 40 degree drop in temp within a day. The poor outside horses. They are already blowing their coats. Good thing I dug out all the blankets a few weeks ago.

Besides hating winter, one poor outside mare, Anna, ripped up her leg somehow last night. She is always one of the first horses ready at the gate when I call for breakfast. When I noticed she wasn't up to eat, I went out and found her standing alone. She wouldn't come when I called, so I walked out further and made he come in. Something was wrong with her right hind. Anna was walking all wonkey in the rear and tried her best not to bear to much weight. I brought her in the heated barn, cleaned off her legs, and found heat and swelling in the fetlock joint. Knowing that she had a career ending injury on that leg (she was a jumper), I called the vet. Doc Dawn thought it was her past injury bothering her until she looked under the blanket, which I failed to do. Anna ripped a chunk out of her stifle area in an unstitchable spot. It had flesh hanging and looked rather nasty. No wonder the poor girl didn't want to walk. So she is on 20cc of penicillin for the next 5 days along with 2 grams of bute till both tubes are used up. Doc will be back in 11 days to do pre-foal vaccinations so she will check on Anna then. The mare definitely pulled something in the leg. Hopefully she didn't damage anything else.

I really like this old mare. She is just the sweetest thing, even if she is quite snarky. Like I low how she opens the gate and walks herself to her stall. Ok, not really, but it's funny. She uses her pretty nose and swings the gate just enough to squeeze through. Usually she does this if I don't bring her in quick enough. I think Anna fails to realize their are 11 other mares just dying to eat.

As much as I hate this job, I sure do love it. If that makes any sense! Alrighty, back to Star Trek!

Tired Girl.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Sniffle and Hack

Starting Wednesday I felt funny, like pre-flu funny. So I went to bed early (aka 9pm) and proceeded to have an awful nightmare. I say about 3ish I finally got up, covered in sweat, and threw up for a while. Then went back and attempted to sleep. Nope, not happening. I went down stairs, took my temp and had a 103.6. Whew! No wonder I was losing it. A cold shower helped a bit along with some Motrin. At 7am I called my backup barn help and paid her double to cover for me on such short notice. Luckily I had the next three days off, so my fever came at a near perfect time. Now I'm suffering from the sniffles, an ever so annoying ear ache, and the typical nasties.

Besides this lovely sickness, I've discovered a passion for Stargate Atlantis and SG1. It's always been known I'm a bit of a dork but now it's official! I love both shows and am especially raptured by this one character Ronan Dex. Wowzer's is he a hottie.

Oh and at the Doc's today it appears not eating since Wednesday has caused a 7 pound drop in weight. Yay! I'm so only eating once a day from now on.

Tired Girl

Tuesday, February 5, 2008


That bastard of a groundhog said 6 more weeks of winter. He isn't lying either except it's RAIN. It can't possibly get any muddier on the farm. I can't turn horses out in this mess because with my shitty luck, someone will get hurt. Better yet, a boarder will throw a tantrum over Pooky being covered in mud. Whatever you fucking wack jobs.

If it was my barn, I'd have MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY signs posted every where. Or MY BARN, MY RULES, OR ELSE signs. I like that second one. But alas, it isn't, though I have made my rules clear to most the boarders. I always knew horse people were crazy (IE: Wake up at 3am to ride at 4am to show at 6am in front a judge only to tell you your horse sucks), so what was I expecting? At least a little respect. I bust my butt to keep their horses happy and healthy and all I ask is in return is a check and a little gratitude. Not only did I take this job to help someone out, but over a better one in another state. My dream of finally moving out of the Flat Lands of Hades was halted once again because I'm a pushover. *headdesk*

I think I'd rather have that foot of snow Northern Illinois will get. At least it will be pretty. Ankle deep mud and knee deep snow are just about the same to walk in. Either way it's no skin off my back.

By the way I do realize I bitch a lot. It's just about the only thing I can do in situations like this. I'm quite the trooper sitting back and taking it, but I'm only human and HAVE to vent somewhere.

Tired Girl

Saturday, February 2, 2008

The Sleepy Saga begins...

Today, I accepted the fact that I'm eternally tired. I could close my heavy eyes at 9pm and wake up 24 hours later still unquenched. I'm caught in a drought. When will it rain?

Which leads to this blog. It's my very own pity-party and everyone is invited. Well it won't always be, but I do like to indulge when the melancholy mood strikes. Maybe it's the winter wasteland that bores me to tears or the near subzero temps? Currently the endless white wet stuff burns my eyes. I used to love snow. Someone should have told me growing up takes away all those pleasures we enjoyed as kids. Then I wouldn't have gone so fast. Ah, oh well. Back to the blog and its basis.

I'm bored. Simple as that. I wake up at 7am next to no one, see maybe 4 people while working, and come back home to eat alone and am in bed by 10pm, again alone. A 20 something year old woman such as myself should not be so isolated, but I am.

Hah. At least I can laugh at myself.

Tired Girl